So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
