I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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