even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
