Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize