Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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