I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
