I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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