the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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