Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She bit a glass in half.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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