saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
