If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
