If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
