i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize