i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
