Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
