Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
