oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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