whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize