Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
