Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
