One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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