i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
