seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
