She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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