dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
