Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
