After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She needs sedatives and a leash
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
