you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize