i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize