like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
