just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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