My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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