i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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