Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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