Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
