hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
