One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have fence marks all over my body
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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