I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
