oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
