just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
