yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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