So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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