I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
