...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
