If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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