are you still at the devil's house?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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