This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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