I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
