Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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