Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
