my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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