The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
