planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
