my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
