Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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