I wannas sexs uuuuu
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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