so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
