pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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