He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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