Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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