Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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