On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
