just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
