just come out here and I will go home with you...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
