If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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