Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
