Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
